Stranger

For who I am; a stranger, still, to myself.
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Just realised that this is my forty-first post.

Plato once said that until one turns forty, one is not ready to be a philosopher.

This blog is a philosoph-log. Haha.

Ack. MI is a truly horrible, slow, and painful death.
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If you asked me what I wanted to be, a week ago, I wouldn't have had a specific answer, but at least I had a resolution to work in the scientific field.

Looking at the same question now, however, I suddenly have no idea what I really want.

In from the age of eight, I discovered the addiction of reading.

They told me that being a lawyer required a lot of reading. So I decided that I wanted to become a lawyer.

Then, at eleven, I started becoming interested in science. Hence the scientific-field goal, which lasted until a week ago.

Now, I don't even know what I want to do in life.

We were discussing our goals in life after the lego thing for the little P5 kiddies.

And I realised that most of us live a Routine; and not a Life.

Or is Life a Routine?

We go through ten years of Primary and Secondary education, two years of tertiary education, then another four to six years of university.

By then, we'd have reached our twenties.

Get our degrees, get a job. Promotions, retrenchment.

Then the job cycle repeats.

Halfway through, maybe some would get married. Then children.

After a few more years, the children are working.

Then we die.

So basically, here's a four-word summary of our lives:

Study, graduate, work, die.

This makes us sound like machines doesn't it?

But that's what I gather from what I see of the world.

So I ask myself; what is my goal in Life?

And a sickening mixture of emptiness, fear and apathy stares back at me; for I realise that I don't know what my goal is.
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Just yesterday, I was twelve, and studying for my PSLE.

Now, I suddenly find myself three years ahead.

Time flies, and I'm not so young anymore.

Very soon, I'll be needing to work towards a scholarship for university.

Then I'll need to get my degree.

But I don't even know what I want.
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This is Life coming and dousing me with chilling Reality.

Reality doesn't merely hurt.
It Terrifies.